Introduction and Character Building

 My life is a right hot mess, and has been for several years, or maybe since I was born, I'm not quite sure. I've lived in chaos for so long, it's kinda like when you get really sick - you don't remember what well feels like, and when you finally feel a bit better, you don't even remember how bad it was when you were sick. Well, except my life seems to be a physics-defying machine of perpetual chaos, which continues in chaotic currents that I often find myself struggling to just breathe through.

Because of that, I don't even know where to begin to describe the chaos that is my life; do I just pick up from the current thread, or try to show the entire tapestry of how I got here? Maybe just highlights.

I'm a child of the 80s, one of the younger Gen Xers who straddles the digital world of reluctantly accepting rapidly advancing technology and culture changes while simultaneously not giving a flying fuck if younger generations appreciate the cultural aspects that nostalgically remind me of times that I *thought* were happier *at the time*. I have student loan debt, and college degrees that I don't use because of a variety of reasons, but chief among them, Fuck Making Someone Else Rich and Fuck Academia - while this isn't unique to me, or even my generation, it does put quite the barrier on how I can wield knowledge I've accumulated. Instead, I've found fulfillment in tutoring elementary students in reading. (That I actually REALLY enjoy.) I still love science, and do what I can to work in critical thinking and science crumbs into reading lessons.

I struggled with infertility at the end of my reproductive life. Which was a problem since I circled back to my family's Catholic background and married a Catholic. But, eventually found myself incredibly blessed to have one of the world's most creative and incredibly frustrating children. He's the light of my life, and has also ensured a more chaotic chaos than I already lived in.

My husband (of 23 years this year) has worked for a multi-national software-ish company for the last decade or so, resulting in a lot of travel for him. He likes it - loves other cultures, other languages, exploring, meeting new people. And while I like food and culture (and definitely wine), I also really like being home, and the actual *travel* part is one of my least favorite parts of vacation (shout out to airlines for making travel so fucking uncomfortable and miserable unless you're extremely wealthy). Our child, The Chaos Bringer, loves travel even more than his father, so tagging along on trips isn't *as* stressful as it *could* be, even though the travel itself is often very stressful for my introverted ass.

Oh yeah. I'm also an introvert. I love my books. And I like my silence. I FIERCELY love the people I love and will move the entire earth for them, but I really love curling up on the couch and just losing hours into a book. Or my music, which has actually suffered from having a child since The Chaos Bringer feels he should also get to "play" with my tenor sax and clarinets. So, they don't get played and a little piece of my soul has been quietly mourning, but I can still feel it there, patiently waiting for me to declare it's safe again.

And this summer, I'll be spending 3 weeks with my extrovert husband and my extrovert Chaos Bringer traveling across Europe. I'm ok with this. I will be ok with this. This will be ok.

I'll also be talking about the books I've read "recently". Or maybe currently reading. Or will read.

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